if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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