She just used a chaser for red wine.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
