i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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