I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girls should come with a carfax report
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
