Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
