Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
