Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
