Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
