What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
