The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
