Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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