I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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