That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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