Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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