she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
