We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
