Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
God, I missed his penis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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