I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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