At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
