Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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