Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
