dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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