why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
