I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
