Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
