I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
