I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Green mimosas i think yes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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