my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize