we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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