I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
