i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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