Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
