you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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