Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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