My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
