I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
