This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
