A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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