My hand turned me down
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
