You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
