Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As shirtless as possible
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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