i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
