I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
