you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
