I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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