were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize