I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
