i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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