it wasn't lemon gatorade
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize