I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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