she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
