you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
