Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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