i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
