last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dick very happy bro
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize