I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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