is wine microwaveable?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize