well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
