you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
