I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
