wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
