I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
