Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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