you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
