he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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