ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
