even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
