Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
