the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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