You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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